It was dark, so it must have been late, or early if we want to get technical about it. The birds weren’t chirping just yet so it was definitely before 4am. I opened my heavy lids to check in on Emerson, who was swaddled nursing at my breast.
As I gazed down I noticed all I could see was the soft yellow blanket. Panic immediately hit me.
“I must have dozed off and covered her face with the blanket!” How long had she been like this? I frantically sat up and started pawing at the blanket. My panic deepened when my hands weren’t met with her little cherub face right away. At this point I was holding my bundle straight in front of me unwrapping the blanket as quickly as I could.
“Where is my baby?!” I was finding nothing but blanket and air. It wasn’t until I had unwrapped the whole blanket that I was awake enough to glance over at Emerson’s sleeper chair. There she was, sound asleep, hands folded to her chest; safely tucked away right where I had left her.
Confused, I looked back at my tangled mess of blankets and my exposed boob. And then it hit me. In my sleepy, fuzzy, mommy-driven subconscious I had bundled up my blanket into a baby shape and naturally brought it to my chest to nurse. I was nursing a blanket. That’s normal, right?
The next night, Kyle had taken Emerson around 8:45pm to settle her into a deep sleep while I turned in for the start of an interesting night. Exhausted, I quickly passed out and didn’t awake until 10:30 or so. Kyle was sleeping beside me and the nightlight was casting its soft glow around the room. I let my eyes focus for a minute before turning over to check on Emmie in her sleeper chair. She wasn’t there! The monitor wasn’t on, so I doubted she was in her crib, and I couldn’t see anything in the pack-n-play.
Panicked, I smacked Kyle. In my mind he had fallen asleep with her on his chest and for all I knew Emerson was on the floor snuggling with Oliver at this point.
*Smack smack smack* “KYLE. Where’s the baby??”
My second set of smacks were met with a sleepy gaze. “Yea?”
“Where’s the baby?? Where’s Emerson? She’s not in her chair!”
At this point Kyle looks down at his chest. Oh, the panic! He did fall asleep with her… Oh, my god, where is my baby??
It took him what seemed like forever to answer me but finally he looked at me and said, “She’s in her pack-n-play.”
“Oh.” Awkward. I just couldn’t see her since my eyes don’t focus well in the dark without my glasses. Sure enough, there she was just like Kyle said. I apologized and we both went back to sleep.
At 11:30pm Emerson fussed. I woke up Kyle.
“Can you get her for me, and change her please?”
Even in his drowsy state Kyle immediately rose from the bed, walked over to Emerson, picked her up and proceeded to change her diaper. He then brought her to me where I latched her on and we snuggled while she nursed.
Kyle asked if there was anything else I needed as he slid back under the covers. He drifted back off to sleep as I told him that Emmie and I were all set, and thanked him for his diaper changing services.
About an hour later, Emmie was still snuggling my boobie, fighting her way back to sleep. All of a sudden Kyle swings his legs over the side of the bed and sits up. I find this odd. Was he getting up to use the bathroom? Was he still sleeping? I shifted Emerson to free up my hand closest to him so I can pat him on the back and see if he’s awake.
I hadn’t reached his back when he started patting something. It was the pillow he usually keeps between his knees while he sleeps, rolled up into a ball and swaddled in his blanket. After a minute, I watched him unwrap the pillow from the blanket and he slowly discovered it was just a pillow. He turned around to face me, horror-struck.
“Where’s the baby?”
“What? She’s right here, nursing.”
“What was I supposed to be doing then? You wanted me to put her back, or bring her to you? Change her? What did you ask me to do?”
“Um….” Clearly, he was confused. “I had asked you to change her about an hour ago when you brought her to me, but we’re all set now.”
“Huh. Okay. I thought I had her, but it was my pillow…”
So Kyle has a pillow baby, and I nurse blankets. All part of parenting right?