Life with Vera Charlotte

It’s been two whole months since we welcomed our sweet Vera Charlotte into the world. I’m trying to savor every single moment because I know she’s our last baby. Each night-time waking, each nursing snuggle, each little smile and even those heart-breaking pouts and sobs. She’s a sweet chub of a baby, so different than her older sister. I remember Emerson feeling so fragile in my arms whereas Vera feels so hefty – so solid.

We’ve all fallen into what feels like a good routine. I know the routine will constantly be changing, just as quickly as little Vera. But for now I feel like I’m slowly getting my groove back.

Emmie has been overall wonderful in the transition of being an only child to suddenly having to share her parents with another little human, who really doesn’t do much but sleep & cry. Emerson has already fallen comfortably into the role of big sister. She is constantly informing me when Vera starts to fuss that I need to either “pick her up,” or “give her breastmilk.” And my sweet, tenderhearted Emmie will tear up and join in the crying if Vera is left fussing or crying for too long. Car rides are the worst, when I can’t actively soothe Vera, no matter how loudly Emmie demands it.

Slowly and surely I’ll get back into writing more for the blog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mother’s Day

Motherhood starts way before you ever hold your babe in your arms. It even starts before you carry that little babe in your belly. Eating right and working out. Prenatal vitamins, tracking temperatures and reading countless fertility books. Little purchases forgone so you could squirrel away the money knowing one day you’d have the tinniest socks to buy. Hopes and dreams and sacrifices.

Then you grow your baby, surrendering your coffees, your drinks, your productivity and ankles. You start counting your time in weeks, then days, then hours and minutes. Finally, a little voice is brought into the world and you continue on your journey with hopes and dreams and sacrifices.

Rocking, shushing, snuggling, swaddling, feeding, wiping away tears and wiping bums. Choking back tears to soothe a terrified face at the doctors. A heart so full it might burst. Late night cries and early morning giggles. The terrifying doubts of being enough.  Long days turning into short weeks, and snug clothes packed away. Your heart aches with hopes and dreams and sacrifices.

Being a mother is all consuming. It engulfs you in an endless see of love,  doubt,  anxiety and joy. You ride so high, and fall so low. It seeps it’s way into your personality. You’re Mom: warrior princess, doctor supreme, head chef, and monster-trapper. You’re a blanket, a song, a smile, a kiss. You are the arms of comfort and the hand of authority.  You are hopes and dreams and sacrifices.

So cheers to you Moms, may you feel the love of your little one where ever they may be. May you find courage and strength to continue on, for without you we are nothing. 

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Reminders

Sometimes motherhood feels overwhelming. You become bogged down with all the worries, anxieties, and fears of not being enough. Not providing enough love, enough creativity, enough activities. You worry about singing enough songs, reading enough books, painting enough pictures. You worry about being present but encouraging independence. You worry that you’re just not enough.

And then, it all fades away in an instant.

I was getting Emerson dressed for the day. We were layering since there was still a bitter winter chill in the air and we were headed to the park. Tights, then leggings. A blue long sleeve bodysuit. I pulled out a faded Wonder Woman tee to throw over as an easy layer. Wonder Woman with her wild – yet glamorously tamed- hair, her bold bodysuit and fearless pose swooping in to save the day.

Emerson peaked over at the shirt and her face lit up. Pointing to the woman on the shirt, she gasp, “Mama!” And just like that, all those silly fears of not being enough faded into nothingness. According to my daughter, I was Wonder Woman.

I laughed and said, “You think that’s me?” Emerson’s classic ‘yes’ nod followed. Deliberate and slow: up, down. Yes. She pointed again, “Mama! Mama!” I laughed again, but this time, I nodded in agreement. Sure, kiddo, if you want to think I’m Wonder Woman go right ahead. And in that moment in time I knew; I am enough.

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