Emerson Claire Turns 3

Yearly milestone college, yearly milestone pictures, 3 years old picture ideas. | overthedeepend.com|

My Dearest Emmie,

You turned three this past weekend! To say you are excited is an understatement. You’ve made leaps and bounds since your last birthday, in all aspects of life. Not only have you grown about 7 inches (and finally gained some weight!) but you now actually like talking! You’re clever and smart. You love ice cream and frozen lemonade pops. You love playing make-believe with your dollies & enjoy watching your Dad play computer games. You are the manners police and call us out by saying, “No eating and talking Mom!” or, “You need to say ‘excuse me’ after you burp, Dad.” Touché, little one, touché.

You are strong as ever and can jump for hours with your Dad on the trampoline. You love helping in the kitchen, and having tea-parties.  You’ve slowly started questioning everything. “Because why?” you’ll say. You still call Oliver your best bud, and have no trouble bossing him around. You’re very matter-of-fact and highly opinionated when it comes time to get dressed. You enjoy wearing nothing but princess dresses these days. You’ll let me do your hair only if you can watch a video & usually you request one “Elsa braid.” Since your hair is so fine your braid usually only lasts a few minutes (or half an hour on a good day) before your hair is all in your face again.

You are still silly as ever too. Your dance moves never fail to make us laugh. And your sudden need to exclaim how much you love us could make anyone’s heart explode from sweetness. But don’t be fooled by all these sweet tales. You’re as sassy as sassy comes. You’re still quite the negotiator and pretty defiant at this age too. You love simply stating, “No. I choose nothing,” when presented with a set of options. You will do something naughty and then quickly cover with, “Oh! I’m really sorry!” as you know it lets you off the hook. You know each and every one of my buttons to push, and just how to get me riled. You also looooooove to use your whining voice. You could be perfectly happy but out of your mouth comes a sentence in full blast whining.

Sometimes when you’re a tornado of all your fiercest attributes it’s hard for me to remember that you are still so small in a world that is so big. You are still learning so so much. I need to remind myself that although you now speak like a perfectly capable person, you are still a tiny girl needing guidance in a confusing place. You are trying your best to process emotions so big your little body can hardly handle them. On those days bedtime is our saving grace, and I know we can both do better tomorrow. Yet, no matter  how our day played out Emerson Claire, you are my favorite 3-year-old and I love you to smithereens. I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for you. Happy birthday my darling, happy birthday.

Love,
Mom

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Dear Emerson

Dear Emerson,

You’re funny, daring, silly, caring, and oh, so darn cute!

You even get me to giggle when you exclaim, “Oh, Emmie toot!”

I love the way you try to negotiate

to increase the pee to jellybean rate.

Or how you count, “Won, two, REE!”

It always gets a smile from me –

But heaven forbid you ever utter “four.”

since it’s your favorite number to ignore.

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You can bust a move to any song

and when you’re laughing you can do no wrong-

except for hitting, that behavior is new

Daddy and I aren’t sure what to do.

You never want to apologize

even though tears stream from your eyes.

You’ll tell us, after, hitting made you feel sad

but never what it was that made you so mad.

We’re really hoping it’s just a phase

and that you’ll soon be back to performing your ballets.

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Some days you’re helpful: loading dishes or folding socks –

while other days you’d prefer to play outside and collect rocks.

You love playing keep-a-way with Oliver’s doggy bones

and always demand the “cow game” when you see Daddy’s phone.

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You love the library and each week when we go,

it’s so much fun for me to see how you’ve grown.

When we started you just sat there- so quiet,

and now you’ll sing & dance. Yup,  it’s a riot!

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A little quirk that I find so funny,

anytime you find a penny you say, “Here Mom, MONEY!”

Another oddity that you’ve begun

is requesting random songs to be sung;

a “turkey song,” a “silly belly song,” and “Daddy comes home” are just a few.

Oh Emmie, I do hope you know just how much I love you.

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Being your mother is such a treat,

but watching you get older is bittersweet.

While you test your limits and boundaries for sure,

the love you exude is just so pure.

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You’re special to me in ways you’ll never know

And every single day my love for you grows.

Yes, my love for you knows no bounds-

Emma Claire, you make my world go round.

Love, Mom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Halloween Recap

Halloween is officially over. We’ve packed away our spooky decor and gorged ourselves on tasty treats. Emmie had a nice time trick-or-treating this year with her friends. She was slow and shy in the beginning but as the night wore on she turned into a pro: running up to houses, yelling “trick or treat,” and remembering her manners with a thank-you…well, most of the time. She had so much fun that after every house whenever we’d say, “Okay, let’s go,” meaning onto the next house, she’d cry out, “NO! No go home!” She loved wearing the Princess Sofia costume I made for her, so much so, that she’s worn it every day since. I think it’s safe to say Halloween was a success this year.

Sofia the first toddler costumePrincess Sofia Toddler Costumeprincess-sofia-toddler-3Toddler Princess Sofia Costume

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Dear Emmie

Dear Emmie,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. You’re growing so quickly, it’s hard for me to even remember the last time I stopped and appreciated all the little things you do.

Your attitude is very much on par for a classic two year old. Some days you are sweet as punch, and other days, you scream to the point of hyperventilation because I threw away an old piece of floss. Yup, basic toddler.

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You’ve picked up quite a few cute sayings lately. You’ve grasped that “excuse me” isn’t just for passing gas. You constantly say, “excuse me, Ollie” “excuse me, Mom” as you push us out of the way. It’s so hilariously cute since you’ve managed to be so extremely polite and rude all at the same time.
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And speaking of being polite you’ve also started to go overboard on the apologizing. I am constantly hearing, “sorry Mom!” “sorry Ollie!” “Ooooh sorry Daddy!” for things that don’t even warrant an apology. Although, maybe they do in your toddler mind.
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You’ve become quite the helper. Just the other day in the self check out lane, you handed each grocery item to me so I could scan it, and you know what? It was actually helpful! Also, it was pretty hilarious when you started panicking calling me, “Hewwwwp Mommy! Hewwwwp!” and I turned around to find you trying to haul the full gallon of milk over the side. Yeah, you’re still freakishly strong – that hasn’t changed.
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What has changed is your ability to say,“NO!” Oh. My. Word. You say “no” constantly. Some days you drive me absolutely bonkers. I swear there was one day where you said absolutely nothing but “No.” It makes for extremely long days and definitely tests my patience.
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You’ve been doing a really great job at the gym lately. In fact, the other day while tucking you into bed, I asked you what your favorite part of the day was. You responded with “Mommy workout. Emmie plaayyy!” I responded aghast, “Your favorite part of the day was playing at the gym while I worked out??” “Mmmhm.” Confirmed. I think teaching you a little song has really helped you get over your fear of me leaving you. You now sing “Emmie play’s and Mommy comes back” all the time. You still feel a little anxious every time we arrive and you give me an extra tight snuggle, but we’ve surpassed the super clingy and crying phase.
Let’s see what else can I tell you about yourself. Oh,how could I forget, you love to swim. I mean, you’re wild for it. You love being in the ocean with Daddy. You also love the wave-less pond. You love being in the water so much that no matter how cold, how much you’re shivering or how blue your lips are you do not want to leave. You just can’t get enough. You really like it when Oliver can come swimming with us. You are always quick to help find a stick to toss to Oliver.
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All in all, you are such a sweet girl, always one to offer a hug. Still a little shy around groups but you’re really finding your own personality. You’re pretty silly and you love  to goof it up for your grandparents.
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Park Adventures: Exploring Florida Style

We’ve been exploring lately: finding new parks, new playgrounds, and new beaches. Exploring is why moving can be so exciting. You never know what you’re going to discover! Lately though, thanks to the mid-August heat and the overwhelming humidity, we have been finding ourselves saving our outdoor exploration until the sun is lower in the sky. There’s something about packing up the family after dinner for some dusk exploring that makes you really appreciate life. 

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Emerson Claire: Interview With A 2 Year Old

My Dearest Emerson,

You are now 2 years old! You love to dance, you love being tickled, and you absolutely love when I share my Orgain with you. You and Oliver are still best buds. You constantly pat Ollie’s back and tell him,”good boy!” even if he’s trying to steal your chicken nugget straight from your hand. You are still pretty reserved when it comes to meeting new people and you’re still very attached to me. You get pretty upset whenever I leave. We’ve been working on this though, by going to the gym! While I workout you play/cry in the playroom. Every day gets better. 

You love jumping on your “pam pam pampoline” and get very excited to “pay” in Chic-fil-A’s play room. You’re still very much a sweet girl. You love to dole out kisses and seek out random body parts to smother, such as elbows and knees. You can pull on tutu’s and put your sandals on all by yourself. You’re really starting to communicate with words instead of grunts and sounds. You have even decided to start potty training yourself. Some days you go pee on the potty all day long, even when we’re out running errands. Other days, you couldn’t be bothered.

I decided to try to interview you so I could capture just how cute you are at this age. I’m not even sure this video does you justice. I will love you forever, you silly girl.

Love,
Momma

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Phone Life

We’re mostly settled in our new house down in Florida, but we’ve been experience quite the fluctuation with our internet. Until we can really resolve the issues behind the elusive internet, it will probably continue to be pretty quiet on the blog. Hopefully these issues won’t take too long to fix since I’ve got lots of fun things to share with you! For now, here’s our life according to my phone. 

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The House That I Call Home

We’re in the depths of moving here at my house. I’m scrambling to comb through every nook and cranny. I’m a whirlwind of sorting: purging left and right. “Sell this, donate that, throw this out.” And on the craziness continues.

The move doesn’t seem real yet, even with all the drastic downsizing. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet that I’m leaving the house I call home. I’m packing up our belonging and with them our memories. This is the house that taught me so much. This is the house that witnessed our successes and our failures. The walls bare witness to our laughs and our tears. This is the house where I became a wife. This is the house I brought my first child back to. This is the house I call my home, and goodbyes are just not my thing. So, until I ninja across your squeaky floors one last time, I’ll just pretend you’re mine forever.

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On Love and Loss

I found out around the time of our Christmas vacation that I was pregnant again. Hence the long absence of blogging around the new year. I blame pregnancy exhaustion and hormones. So many hormones! This pregnancy turned out to be the complete opposite of my first. I didn’t feel an immediate connection to this baby, in fact there were days I forgot completely that I was creating another human. For that I blamed the other human I had already created; she kept me so busy I didn’t have time to dwell on the good news.
But at the first appointment we found that the fetus had no heartbeat and displayed no movement. And while I was supposed to be 10 weeks along, baby only measured at 7 weeks and 1 day. I had what they called – a “silent miscarriage.”
Part of me had expected this outcome. On the day I clutched my positive pregnancy test, I also had a very high, hard to break fever.  Such a high fever can cause neural defects. When my OB broke the news I found myself silently nodding my head in agreement. It made sense. The crazy surge of hormonal meltdowns last week, the skin breakouts and the extreme bloating. All my body’s way of giving one last try at saving the baby. No such luck; it just wasn’t meant to be. So imagine my cool-headed, hard logic surprise when at the mention of a D&C tears started leaking from my eyes.
I wasn’t prepared for this. I knew it was a possibility but I was certainly not prepared. We settled on a second confirmation ultrasound before scheduling the D&C. It was driving home that I realized what I was dreading the most; telling the man I love that our future was changing again. That my body somehow failed me us and the visions of two kids running around had suddenly vanished.

For a long time, I just wanted to get back to normal. I felt relieved at first. I continually told myself I was happier that I was no longer pregnant and that we really “dodged a bullet.” I was annoyed when my friends, my family… the people I care so deeply about kept checking in with me to see if I was okay. I was dressed and put together, I wasn’t sobbing in the evenings, I was moving on and felt like they were holding me back.
In reality, I was holding myself back. I was smack dab in the first few stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining… you know the rest. I turned to wine to self soothe my hidden regrets and buried anger. If I wasn’t going to be pregnant I could at least drink. I tried to drown my “what-if’s”  in bottles of Chardonnay. And then one day it finally happened; the tears came.
I was laying on the floor playing with Emerson. I was voicing nonsensical thoughts while she rummaged around in the masses of toys spewed across the living room rug. Emmie was quiet, as is her way, but lately she’s been dabbling in speaking more. When she looked up from what she was doing and quietly stated, “baby.” I propped myself up on my elbows.
“A baby? Did you hear a baby crying? Is one of your baby dolls tired? Where is this baby you speak of?”
Then time stood still. She smiled a big grin and scooted over to me, lifted my shirt exposing my pale stomach and laid her ear on my belly. “Baby,” she said again using her little cold hand to pat my soft tummy.
I felt it. The icy shatter of my heart breaking. It hit me like a wave of winter air, a chill that steals the breathe right from your lungs.
“Mommy doesn’t have a  baby in her belly anymore, honey.” I heard the whisper leave my lips before I realized that I was speaking.  I held my breathe as I watched her face mimic the maze of emotions I was lost in. First, confusion with little furrowed brows and a slight tilt of her head, and then as she processed the words a sad little pout sprouted from her lips and the tiniest quiver danced across her chin.
“Does it make you sad that mommy doesn’t have a baby in her belly anymore?” I asked,  my voice still barely audible. The world fell silent around us. Another chin quiver and wide, sad eyes locked onto mine and Emerson solemnly nodded yes. Yes, it made her sad.
I didn’t bother to wipe away the hot tears now streaming down my face. “It makes me sad too darling. It makes me very sad too.” I scooped her little body in my arms and breathed her in. There we sat tangled up in each other’s arms and each other’s sadness. But most importantly we sat there huddled together engulfed in love.
In time my broken heart will fully heal. Until then, I’ll drink up every moment with Emerson. The smirks and laughs. The way she gleefully runs down the street doing her best to keep up with the big kids. Or how she throws her arms around my neck and squeezes so tightly I can do nothing to hold my laughter in. I’ll study how the light bounces off her golden hair and listen to her breathe when she snuggles close.  I’ll dry her tears when she scraps her knee again and hold her hand to keep her safe. And in time, perhaps, there will be a moment where I can watch Emmie’s face light up when we tell her she’ll be a big sister.

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