Letter to my Husband

Dear Husband:

I have so many words for you tucked away in my heart. Some are tucked away for good, and some are just waiting for the right moment to dazzle you with their substance. You’re not a sappy person-you make sure your emotions never sit too close to the surface, and you keep your internal monologues buried deep. I make up for your emotional elusiveness, since I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. When I’m stressed or sad I like to cry, or bawl, depending on the mood. My jaw juts out when I’m annoyed and I literally bounce around making up songs when I’m happy. We’re quite the pair you and I.
But for all those words I do say, there are some I don’t say enough. How grateful I am that you lift me up, that you encourage me to be a better person. How my heart feels like it’s going to explode out of my chest when I see you with Emerson. How all the little things you do for me flood me with appreciation. How I would do anything to make you feel better when you’re disappointed. How I want to hold you forever when you’re sad. How I want to parade you around and rattle off all you’ve accomplished so far, but would never dare to since you’d probably keel over with embarrassment… (PS I realize the irony here as I’m gushing about you over the world wide web, but ya know, I gotta do what I gotta do. Continue)

We met when we were so young, just kids ourselves, trying to navigate the strange world that is teenage acne and kissing with tongue. What started out as such an innocent friendship became something so much grander. See, in those timid teenage years we did something so important. We started building the foundation to the relationship we have now.
You were, and continue to be, my best friend and our friendship has only grown stronger as time moves on. I so desperately want you to know just how much I loved you then, and how much I love you now, but most importantly that I’ll never stop loving you. It is an honor to be your wife.

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Sometimes motherhood feels overwhelming. You become bogged down with all the worries, anxieties, and fears of not being enough. Not providing enough love, enough creativity, enough activities. You worry about singing enough songs, reading enough books, painting enough pictures. You worry about being present but encouraging independence. You worry that you’re just not enough.

And then, it all fades away in an instant.

I was getting Emerson dressed for the day. We were layering since there was still a bitter winter chill in the air and we were headed to the park. Tights, then leggings. A blue long sleeve bodysuit. I pulled out a faded Wonder Woman tee to throw over as an easy layer. Wonder Woman with her wild – yet glamorously tamed- hair, her bold bodysuit and fearless pose swooping in to save the day.

Emerson peaked over at the shirt and her face lit up. Pointing to the woman on the shirt, she gasp, “Mama!” And just like that, all those silly fears of not being enough faded into nothingness. According to my daughter, I was Wonder Woman.

I laughed and said, “You think that’s me?” Emerson’s classic ‘yes’ nod followed. Deliberate and slow: up, down. Yes. She pointed again, “Mama! Mama!” I laughed again, but this time, I nodded in agreement. Sure, kiddo, if you want to think I’m Wonder Woman go right ahead. And in that moment in time I knew; I am enough.

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Donuts and Flowers

Once upon a time I stumbled upon this huge local group of Moms on Facebook. I joined it. I liked it. A lot. There’s ton of advice, tons of support, and it’s a great time waster on lonely days. Anyway, there’s a big section within this group of “my husband is the worst” vents. You know like, “My husband took 2 naps today, watched a football game, and then “watched” the baby when she took her nap… I got to do a mountain of laundry, dishes and housework in between nursing and calming a fussy baby…. and he complains I’m so grumpy all the time. Ugh! Husbands. ” ….and things like that.

When I read these I feel smug. I get this smug little smirk and I get to think, “well, that sounds like it sucks.” And then my heart feels so full of gratitude and I feel unworthy. This is because my husband rocks. I’ve known him for quite some time (almost half of our lives at this point) and he just continues to amaze me.

I mean, for instance, last night I mentioned I could really use a donut. I’m not pregnant or anything, I just really wanted a donut. So, my guy puts on his shoes, drove to the store and brought me home some donuts… and then hands me a bouquet of flowers. Say what? A gooey sweet pastry treat and a bouquet of flowers? Where did I find him?! He’s the best.

It’s doing little things like that for each other that really help keep our relationship alive. You need small reminders how important you are to your significant other, and they need reminders from you too. It’s all too easy to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. You can say “thanks for doing the laundry,” till you’re blue in the face but giving me an appreciation donut for no reason totally takes the cake.

If you have someone in your life who would drive to get you a donut on a random Tuesday night, make sure you tell them how much they mean to you. It’s nice to hear and it’s nice to say.

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