12 Months of Self Care: The Plan

My plan for creating 12 months of self care.

I previously told the story of how my ambitious plan of a year long journey came to be. What I didn’t tell you was the actual plan. What was this year of self discovery going to entail? Well, welcome to 12 months of self care: the plan! I’ve broken the year down into 12 months and each month gets a new focus. Every focus falls into a more general category of improving myself either physically or mentally, with some doing both. It’s important to note that in order for this crazy plan to work I had to write down why I wanted to do this and exactly what I had hoped to accomplish. So, what do I want to accomplish?

  1. To discover a sense of who I am, outside of motherhood. I love being a mother and I love being a wife, but I am so much more than that as a person. Yet, lately, it’s hard to see myself as anything but Mother or Wife.
  2. Create and achieve more happiness in my life. I understand that you cannot just simply wish for happiness, you need to seek it out and reign it in.
  3. Become physically and mentally healthier by challenging and pushing myself.
  4. Find, appreciate, and cultivate new sources of joy. This goal sounds similar to the previous goal of creating more happiness in my life, but when I think of cultivating joy I think on a smaller scale. I think appreciation, thankfulness, and attentiveness to the small everyday things that we tend to rush through or overlook.
  5. And finally, with every continuing month, I hope to decrease my overall anxieties and self doubt, while increasing my self worth and confidence.

In order to pursue the goals I outlined above I created 12 areas of improvement to focus on. Each month will be concentrating on one of the 12 focuses. I hope that with every subsequent month I don’t simply abandon the previous month’s focus but rather shift to the new focus, while keeping the things that worked well from the previous months’. Is this making sense at all? If you’re following me, you’re amazing, if not, don’t worry about it because I can sometimes barely comprehend it myself.

The 12 categories of focus are (in no particular order – as I do them I will edit this post into the correct order):

  1. Medical compliance
  2. Exercise
  3. Create order/ decrease clutter both physically and mentally
  4. Gratitude & acceptance of things I cannot change
  5. A month of doctor appointments that I usually put off
  6. Relationships
  7. Create
  8. Self confidence & self worth
  9. Learn something new
  10. Take a risk
  11. Physical appearance
  12. Limiting screen time & technology influences

You may be reading these ideas thinking, “What does that even mean?” and that’s okay! They are very general statements and I cannot wait to expand on what each idea means and what each month entails. I hope you will follow along for this journey I’m taking. But more importantly, I hope it will inspire you to make time for self improvement and self care.

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12 Months of Self Care: A Journey to finding myself

Maybe it was the addition of a second child. Or maybe it was the fact that said second child refused bottles, demanded to nurse every 2 hours, and disinterested her sister almost to a point of loathing. Maybe the chronic sleep deprivation was just the tip of the iceberg and it led to the resurfacing of old emotions, old worries, and new fears.

I remember riding in the passenger seat of the car, both girls’ in the back seat, when I told Kyle I was having a hard time coming to terms that Vera would be our last baby. I confessed that I had no idea who I was outside of being a mother. I mothered other people’s children before I had my own children, for crying out loud! I talked about how self conscious I had become when meeting new people because short of talking about my girl’s, I felt like I had nothing of interest to contribute. Not to mention the fact that I mostly spent my days talking to a 3 year old and a newborn so my conversation skills were left lacking. By this point tears were flowing freely. I loved our girls and I love being a mother but I felt incredibly lost as a person.

A few more months go by and I was taking a shower, trying to detangle the mess that was my post-partum hair. Mattes, tangles and precious time spent detangling this mass of dead cells all because it was the one things I was holding onto as a person. If I didn’t know who I was outside of motherhood I was at least going to have kick-ass long hair. Beth with the long hair. And it was that thought that made me put down the comb. I rinsed the remaining globs of conditioner, got out of the shower and grabbed my hair scissors. I proceeded to cut off about 6 inches of hair. I wanted to go shorter, bolder, but I lacked the confidence. I even tried to pep talk myself “It’s just hair, it will grow back, why are you holding onto this?” but even my pep talk lacked the authority to really seal the deal. I felt lighter, not because I chopped a good pound of hair off, but because I felt like it was a step in the right direction. I needed to break out of these weird confines I put myself in. I didn’t want to just be “Beth, that mom with the long hair,” I want to be “Beth: that creative, adventurous , funny and interesting woman.” You know, that Beth.

And so I sat down at my desk later that night, hair softly hitting the tops of my shoulders, and pushed myself to think outside of the box. The new year was coming up and I was going to make the most of it. I was going to use this next year to find myself. I wanted to discover things I never knew about myself, push myself to be more, do more and give more. I wanted to create more joy, happiness and laughter in my life. I wanted to relieve my heavy chest and mind of it’s anxieties and imaginary burdens. I want to become that person I’ve always dreamed of being.

After an hour or so I looked back at my notebook and I felt a sense of relief. I had a plan. The hardest part was over. A few weeks later coming towards the end of December I chopped my hair another 8 inches and it felt amazing. I felt amazing. 2018 was going to be the year of self care, and I was finally going to work on finding myself.

 

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Life with Vera Charlotte: Vera Turns One!

Here it is my darling Vera, your first birthday. It’s surreal that exactly one year ago today, I was laboring quietly on a birthing ball, or in your father’s arms. Joking with the doctor as my contractions picked up, “You better finish up whatever you’ve got going on Doc, because I’m going to call you back in 45 minutes to have this baby.” We all laughed aloud but just a little over an hour later you were placed on my belly, with your pudgy back rolls and your extra long baby toes.

And then, just like that, you were 6 months old. A well-traveled infant having gone to Europe at a mere 3 months old. Your jaundice finally subsided, your newborn features completely disappeared, and that awful case of cradle cap was fully gone. Now you were bright eyed, curious, and already on the move! You did the funniest one arm scoot across the floors with impressive speed. You were sitting, rolling over and pulling yourself up on your crib, the couch, and even the dog! You had a sedated CT scan to check the tumor in your lung, which turned out to be gone!  You nursed like crazy both day & night and would scream if we tried any sort of bottle.

Then, I whisked you away to Rhode Island for a month where you learned to crawl on your hands and knees. You started eating more and more food, and were the definition of a horrible sleeper. You only slept right by my side so you could nurse at your every whim and fancy. When we were back in Florida we tried to sleep train you, only to have you get sick the day after you slept through the night for the first time ever. We have struggled ever since to sleep train you successfully again.

You started to walk, you started to babble, “Mamama ma” without any intention behind the words, but still exciting nonetheless. Soon you started nursing less and eating more during the day. Emerson started school and I finally got some one on one time with you and have cherished our days together. I feel like it was finally around 9 months or so, when Emmie went to preschool, that I got a chance to see who you really are, without the boss-lady bossing us around.

And then I must have blinked again because here we are. Your birthday. I have soaked up every second of your first year, Vera, and hope to continue to soak in the sweetness in your eyes, the joy in your giggles, and the love in your snuggles. Happy first birthday my love. May you continue to grow into a fun, charming, and smart young lady.

With all my love,

Mama

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Date Night at Home: Building Ginger Bread Houses

Having date night at home hasn't been easier. A fun, easy way to date your spouse without leaving the house! A festive Christmas time date at home.

Parenting two children is a lot of work. So naturally some things have to fall to the wayside, and for us, it ended up being date nights. Especially when we added a second kid (hey V!) to the mix. As an effort to get back into some one-on-one time with each other, Kyle and I thought up a huge list of ‘dates’ we could do at home. Thus Date Night at Home was born. We wrote all of our ideas on popsicle sticks and placed them in a jar. When we’re feeling in need of a date we pick out a stick during the beginning of the week which leaves enough time to prep for a Saturday or Friday night date.

With the holidays we added in some festive selections. We bought a Ginger Bread Village Kit for this date night. A total of 7 dollars was spent on this date. That night we put the kids to bed, blasted some Christmas music,  poured some wine (I was pregnant at the time of this date, so I opted for some glorified grape juice) and let the ginger bread house decorating competition begin! And yes, yes it must be a competition because crushing your spouse in a mini house decorating contest is hysterical.

For your own Ginger Bread House Date Night you’ll need:

  • Ginger Bread Kit
  • Drinks of choice
  • Music
  • Additional candies if you wanna be super cool, we added in shredded coconut, Nerds, and mini chocolate chips…basically all the baking things we had on hand. Minus the Nerds, those were leftover from Halloween.

Directions:

  1. Put kids to bed
  2. Turn on music
  3. Pour drinks
  4. Smack talk your partner about who will win said decorating contest
  5. Assemble and decorate houses
  6. Laugh a lot, drink some more, and sneak candy
  7. Go to bed at 9:30 because you’re still raising two babies and you’re tired as fuck

 

 

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2017 Gift Guide for Her

Christmas is about twelve days away! Are you ready? If you answered no, then you’re in the same boat I am! Don’t fret. There’s always Amazon. My husband and I have a slight obsession with Amazon, to the point where we have a Prime Amazon credit card because you get 5% back on Amazon purchases. Yeah. It’s probably an unhealthy habit. But luckily for you, I’ve scoured Amazon to find you 12 gifts for those ladies in your life. And in true Amazon enthusiast fashion, most of them, if not all… are Prime. Boo-ya!

2017 gift ideas for mom, sister, sister-in-law. Shop christmas gifts for the ladies in your life.

one | two | three | four | five

six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve

You have your standards: nail polish, the perfect red lipstick, a snazzy 2018 planner, the ultimate face mask…but then you switch it up with a delicate white and gold wireless computer mouse (because no woman likes seeing those gawd awful computer cords), Turkish hand towels and some remote-control candles. Just don’t let the toddler eat said candles because apparently they smell so good that they’ll just want to try them. Speaking from experience here. Not one of my candles were tasted, but two. Just to be really sure they weren’t for eating. Moscow mule mugs, pretty glass lotion pumps because us women always want to put things into different, prettier containers (again, speaking from experience), a leather tassel just for funsies, and a whipped cream dispenser.

Now, if you’re wondering why the hell I put a whipped cream dispenser on there, it’s really for the coffee lovers in your life. A friend recently introduced me to homemade NITRO COLD BREW. Shit was da bomb-diggity. You use a whipped cream dispenser (like above) to create the silkiest, sweetest, smoothest cold brew of your life. Is your mind blown? Yeah. Mine was too. Your welcome and happy gifting.

PS: I am an Amazon affiliate so those links are amazon links.

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Holiday Gift Guide for Toddlers & Infants

With the holiday season just around the corner I’ve created a couple of gift guides to hopefully ease the question of, “What should I get for…”

For Emmie’s Christmas wish list, and for toddlers aged 2-5, I think having a Christmas list or holiday gift guide with several different categories helps make the overall “haul,” if you will, well rounded. For the 3 year old girl I made sure to have art supplies for creating things, dress up to encourage imaginative play, and a scissor cutting book for fine motor skills practice. There’s also play money with a calculator-register to encourage math & financial learning, some pretty fun animal hair clips to wear and a real cooking set for kids to help in the kitchen with meal prep. Lastly, to round out the categories is a book to read. I chose Rosie Revere Engineer because we picked up this doll from Target…which leads to the last category of play with the doll armoire. This guide can also be easily adjusted for boys too!

 

2017 Gift Guide for 3 year old girl. Toddler christmas list. Xmas gift guide for kids. Gift guide for girls age 2-4

  markers || Melissa & Doug coloring pack || doll armoire  || Anna dress || Rapunzel dress

kids cooking set || play money || scissor skills book

hair clips  || Rose Revere Book

 

The one year old infant has a very similar styled gift guide also broken up into categories. We have musical instruments to encourage sound exploration, headbands & soft jammies to wear, bath color drops for sensory play and a rain cloud bath toy for cause and effect exploration. A teether toy covers the incessant need for gnawing & chewing and a nice interactive book to read rounds out the selection.

 

2017 Gift Guide for 1 year old girl. baby's christmas list. Xmas gift guide for kids. Gift guide for infant girls

musical instruments  || mushroom teether  || bath color drops || rain cloud bath toy

 headbands  || purple stripe jammies  ||  Melissa & Doug soft book

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Life with Vera Charlotte: 7 & 8 Months

Being away for September has really thrown me off. In fact, I’m pretty behind with Vera’s monthly updates. She’s quickly approaching the 9 month mark, so I figured it was about time to post her 7 & 8 month updates.

Cute ideas for monthly baby photos | Monthly baby pictures | baby collage |overthedeepend

At 7 months you:

| got your first two teeth! |

| crawl super fast on your belly |

| are either happy or screaming, there’s no in between |

| get up a zillion times a night to nurse |

| are really starting to dig food |

| put everything in your mouth |

| are pretty ticklish and always belly laugh when tickled |

| have been enjoying food in a mesh pouch |

| love playing in your standing saucer |

 

You still refuse to drink breastmilk when I’m not there. I had a clinic appointment this month and you went the whole 13 hours without milk. You are stubborn and set in your ways. You love snuggling when you’re sleepy and have begun “giving kisses.” You slowly lean in and open your mouth to press against someone’s face. You even did it to a little girl at story time who leaned in to give you a hug. You’ve begun playing in your exosaucer this month and really like it. We’ll bring you into the garage while we work out and you’ll watch and play. You also love chomping on berries, broccoli and bananas through a mesh food pouch.

Cute ideas for monthly baby photos | Monthly baby pictures | baby collage |overthedeepend

At 8 months you:

| started crawling on your hands and knees |

| are pulling up and cruising around |

| easily go from crawling to sitting |

| still put everything into your mouth |

| got your first cold |

| met your great-grandparents |

| stayed the whole month in Rhode Island |

| attended your first wedding |

| slept in my bed for the whole month & refused to nap |

This month was a crazy month. We pretty much stayed all of September in Rhode Island bouncing between Mimi & Pa-Rob’s house to Nonni & Pop-pop’s house. There was a wedding, and many get-togethers with relatives. You decided you were not going to nap unless you were nursing or in the car. You refused to sleep in the pack-n-play for more than 40 minutes so I ended up bringing you into bed with me most nights. You’ve gotten much steadier on your feet this past month and I fear you’re going to keep up the tradition of walking before you hit 9 months. We’ll see how you do in the next 4 weeks. Something tells me you won’t be stopped once you learn how to walk.

As always, we love you something fierce.

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The Ultimate Board Game Gift Guide

When we moved to Baltimore we didn’t know a single person there. It took a few months but we slowly befriended a couple, Kris and Taren, at the dog park. We would chat weekly at our weekend dog park outings and discovered we had quite a bit in common. Eventually we exchanged numbers and agreed to get together outside of the park.

It was around that time I had also started up an adult gymnastics class where I met a couple of girls I wanted to befriend. We eventually started going out for drinks after class and lo and behold also had quite a bit in common. It was one particular night where I took a chance and decided to tell my new friend Lauren about a nerdy computer game she might like. Turns out she already played it! I decided that not only should we be great friends, but I also decided Lauren and her husband would get along with our dog park friends too.

One fateful night I invited both couples over for sangria & beer, a fire, and a rousing round of Cards Against Humanity. It was that night where we were all a little drunk, laughing hysterically at the dining room table where Game Night was born. From that point on, we met every Friday at 6pm. We took turns supplying dinner & drinks for everyone and we played countless games. Luckily, Lauren’s husband John was a gaming pro and they had a plethora of board games just waiting to be played.

This tradition lasted a little over 3 years before Lauren and John moved, and then we moved. We’re having a Game Night reunion this December and in honor of our game night shenanigans I’ve put together the ultimate board game gift guide. If you’re unsure of what to get your friends, or even your husband/wife then look no further, I’ve got the answer. I’ve broken my guide into two categories: Board Games and Card Games.

The card games I chose are great for beginners. They are generally straight-forward to learn but still a challenge, perfect for both gaming amateurs and pros alike. These are fantastic party games and most of them can be played with lots of players. They’re usually small, so storing them won’t take up a whole dedicated cabinet…although, if you have a gaming cabinet, we should be friends.

In contrast, I picked board games that go into a bit more depth. They usually take longer to learn and overall game time is longer. These are the games that can be played over and over without losing their excitement. These games are perfect for your nerdy friend, your gaming friend, or your friend who likes a good challenge.

The ultimate card game gift guide. Not sure what to buy your brother in law? This is the answer. Card games for family and friends. The Ultimate Card Game Gift Guide. Like this guide? Be sure to check out my ultimate board game gift guide on Overthedeepend.com

one || two || three || four || five || six || seven || eight

Out of these card games, again such a tough choice, my favorites would be Joking hazards, Bears vs Babies, and Munchkin. Fair warning, Munchkin can take a long time and you may or may not pee your pants laughing when playing Joking Hazard.

The ultimate board game gift guide. Not sure what to buy your nerdy friend? This is the answer. Nerdy games for geeky friends. The Ultimate Board Game Gift Guide. Like this guide? Be sure to check out my Card Game Gift Guide on Overthedeepend.com

one || two || three || four || five || six || seven || eight

Out of these amazing games I would say my top favorites (which is so hard to choose just two, since all of these are awesome) would have to be Libertalia and 7 Wonders. Every time we play these games I just can’t stop gushing about how much fun they are. They’re always my top choice for playing.

one || two || three || four || five || six || seven || eight

Out of these card games, again such a tough choice, my favorites would be Joking hazards, Bears vs Babies, and Munchkin. Fair warning, Munchkin can take a long time and you may or may not pee your pants laughing when playing Joking Hazard.

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A Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

Last year we discovered a pumpkin patch about an hour north of where we lived. Emerson had a blast and was able to pick out her own pumpkin. This year we tried a different farm but had just as much fun. There were rides that Emerson was brave enough to try, a small field of sunflowers, and of course, pumpkins!

Vera got to do some exploring in the sunflower field, but mostly she just hung out with us while Emmie ran from one activity to the next. It was an overcast day which was actually really nice, since it was still pretty warm. The pumpkin patch at this particular farm wasn’t nearly as exciting as the previous year’s farm that we went to. This was more of a few pumpkins spread out in a couple of rows, whereas last year there was a gigantic field of pumpkins to choose from and run around in.

Even still, we had a great time and this year instead of carrying a baby in my belly, that baby was in my arms. What a difference a year makes.

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin Patch with Toddler & Infant | what do you do at a pumpkin patch?

 

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Meeting Great Grandparents

While the girls and I were in Rhode Island we made sure to introduce Vera to her great grandparents. She met both my mother’s father and my mother-in-law’s parents. While Vera may be too young to remember meeting them the pictures we have will be able to spark a conversation about these wonderful people when the girls are older. Kyle’s grandmother in particular would just light up when the girls were around. You could visibly see her love of children. What was most amazing was the sense of lucidity she regained the longer she spent time with Vera. Initially she would ask “How old is she?” again and again due to forgetting, a common symptom of age & dementia. But, as time went on, the repetitive questions ceased and she just drank in the innocence of Vera & Emerson. It is absolutely astonishing how children keep the mind agile. I can’t wait until the girls are a bit older to truly understand how special it was to meet their great-grandparents.

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