It’s hard to believe that I’m writing your 3 Month letter already. It really seems like just yesterday you were this tiny blanket burrito in my arms at the hospital. 

This past month has been a wondrous one. You’ve really started sleeping well at night, and your naps are becoming more predictable throughout the day. You’ve perfected your gummy smile and you’re working very hard on your first true laugh. Every now and then we’ll get a little giggle, or a sharp inhalation of air like you’re gearing up to laugh but you just make a big “HAH” noise and leave it at that. 

You’re grabbing things, bringing them to your mouth, and want to explore everything around you. Your little neck must be so sore at night from straining to look around all day long. You are becoming quite your own little person. Your personality is starting to emerge. You’re usually pretty content unless your sleepy or hungry, and then watch out world, you will certainly let us know. 

You like to babble up a storm, and you love to drool. You make spit bubbles too. Daddy is much better about carrying around a little cloth wipe to wipe your mouth, but I just tend to let you drool on yourself until I think you’re uncomfortable, and then we have an outfit change. At least this way you’ll get to wear all those cute clothes Grandparents and Aunties have bought for you. 

You’re still swaddled at night, but I’m not sure how much longer that will continue. You’re pretty close to rolling over from your belly to your back, and you even did it once all by yourself. I’m worried that when we can’t swaddle you anymore your arms aren’t going to stop moving and you’ll just keep waking yourself up.

I think what I have loved most about this past month is the fact that your little personality is beginning to bloom. You have so many facial expressions and you use a ridiculous amount of eyebrow movement to communicate; I love that about you. I have a feeling we’re just getting a small glimpse into the animated girl you’ll become.

Fall is here, and with it are it’s germs. The cold weather brings viruses. I’m already feeling run down and junky. Having CF with a baby is tough. Where as usually I’d just hop into bed whenever I felt I needed a nap, I now have an infant who demands much of my attention for much of the day, and then some. When normally my appetite drops and I have to remind myself to eat, I’m finding that with an infant just finding time to eat is tough, and if I’m not hungry it doesn’t even cross my mind…

I’ve dropped some weight, which is scary so close to the winter season. I’ve been gathering my courage to call Clinic and get some oral antibiotics. I know it’s for the best but I get very sad when I think about what it means. It means for 2, maybe even 3 weeks, my baby and I can’t nurse. I’ll have to bottle feed her all the frozen milk stash and pump to keep my supply up.

I know my baby needs a healthy mama, but this mama is feeling a little selfish. I’ve never done antibiotics with a baby before. What if I only feel better for a few weeks and I need more? I’m not ready to be done nursing, but I know we can’t continue on with the way I’m feeling.

Parents are faced with hard decisions all the time when it comes to their children; formula or breastmilk, when are they old enough to walk to the bus stop by themselves, should we let them drive by themselves past 9pm? I think hard decisions are amplified in a household with CF, regardless of who it is who has the disease.

As a parent with CF, I have to make hard decisions, that are not only hard for my baby and husband but also for myself. I know they are the right decisions, it just doesn’t make them any easier to bear. I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life to help me through these tough decisions. I have a great CF clinic to support, encourage, and keep me on track. I have an irreplaceable man in my life who picks up all my slack and then some. I have a selfless neighbor who’s donating as much breastmilk as we need so that Emerson can continue to be 100% breastfed while I’m doing antibiotics. I have family who would fly down in a heartbeat if I needed them…

It’s all these people and more that make me so thankful that I don’t have to do this alone. I get choked up just thinking of all the love that is overflowing for our family. So thank you for your support while I take a couple of weeks to get back on track.

We all had a great time on our trip up to Little Rhody. Emerson was a champ in the car. We left both times at night, around her bedtime, and each time she slept the whole way. Not a peep! Such a good girl.

Emerson had the chance to meet so many people while we were visiting. She handled all those visitors better than I did! She met all her Great-Aunts, Great-Grandparents, lots of our friends, and quite a few distant cousins at the big Whelan reunion. Of course she had lots of Grandma, Grandpa and Auntie snuggles from both sides of the family.

The blanket, which started out as Luke’s, was passed on to his little sister Ella, and it was then decided to be passed onto Emerson! She is already smitten with the blanket and all it’s colorful ribbons. She works very hard to try to chomp on those ribbons, but they hardly ever actually reach her mouth. Who knows, maybe in a few years Emerson will be passing the prized blankey down to her younger sibling… maybe. 😉