Fall is here, and with it are it’s germs. The cold weather brings viruses. I’m already feeling run down and junky. Having CF with a baby is tough. Where as usually I’d just hop into bed whenever I felt I needed a nap, I now have an infant who demands much of my attention for much of the day, and then some. When normally my appetite drops and I have to remind myself to eat, I’m finding that with an infant just finding time to eat is tough, and if I’m not hungry it doesn’t even cross my mind…
I’ve dropped some weight, which is scary so close to the winter season. I’ve been gathering my courage to call Clinic and get some oral antibiotics. I know it’s for the best but I get very sad when I think about what it means. It means for 2, maybe even 3 weeks, my baby and I can’t nurse. I’ll have to bottle feed her all the frozen milk stash and pump to keep my supply up.
I know my baby needs a healthy mama, but this mama is feeling a little selfish. I’ve never done antibiotics with a baby before. What if I only feel better for a few weeks and I need more? I’m not ready to be done nursing, but I know we can’t continue on with the way I’m feeling.
Parents are faced with hard decisions all the time when it comes to their children; formula or breastmilk, when are they old enough to walk to the bus stop by themselves, should we let them drive by themselves past 9pm? I think hard decisions are amplified in a household with CF, regardless of who it is who has the disease.
As a parent with CF, I have to make hard decisions, that are not only hard for my baby and husband but also for myself. I know they are the right decisions, it just doesn’t make them any easier to bear. I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life to help me through these tough decisions. I have a great CF clinic to support, encourage, and keep me on track. I have an irreplaceable man in my life who picks up all my slack and then some. I have a selfless neighbor who’s donating as much breastmilk as we need so that Emerson can continue to be 100% breastfed while I’m doing antibiotics. I have family who would fly down in a heartbeat if I needed them…
It’s all these people and more that make me so thankful that I don’t have to do this alone. I get choked up just thinking of all the love that is overflowing for our family. So thank you for your support while I take a couple of weeks to get back on track.